Trying New Things Is Healing
Did you know that being bored can be just as uncomfortable as being overstimulated. In my practice, I usually see a lot of women that are struggling to stay inside of their window of tolerance. This is a term for their optimum level of stimulation. I see a lot of women that are either over or under stimulated and different behaviors and choices are born out of this discomfort. My goal when I practice is to teach women how to stay within their window of tolerance by helping them access self awareness and coping skills to help manage what they find.
One of the hardest things for us to experience is sheer boredom with our routine. We can be super busy, doing all of the things, but still feel a lack of fulfillment. I myself have been there many times in my life. For me, being under stimulated is just as dangerous as feeling overstimulated. Both can lead to me making choices that don’t honor my best self. We don’t want to get in the habit of assuming that how we are currently doing life is the only way to do life. To be the healthiest version of ourself, we have to stay open to our body and mind and be willing to observe what she needs more and less of.
In my practice, I call this pursuing your minimum standard of care. We all need to have a minimum standard of care for ourselves and our relationships. This standard is defined by your beliefs and observed needs throughout your life. Work hard not to project your standard onto others or internalize their standard within yourself. Comparison never helps us find what works for us.
If you are bored and feeling under stimulated, it’s time to adjust your minimum standard of care, as it will better help you live within your window of tolerance. In order to heal your sense of boredom, it’s time to try new things! The intent in experimenting is to see what works for you and what doesn’t-what you want to keep consistent and what you want to get rid of. Starting to consider your Little in this process can be really helpful. I teach clients that your Little is the 5 year old girl who lives inside of you. She is the purest form of self we have and she is the part of us that can get buried with all of the expectations we place on ourselves. (Read Boundaries Are A Woman’s Best Friend to access education on your own Little).
What have you always been interested and wanted to try? When we are growing up, adults and the education system are constantly exposing us to intellectual stimulation and putting new opportunities to learn skills in front of us. As we grow older, these opportunities become less and we don’t realize that we are stepping further and further away from curiosity.
I would encourage you to start creating opportunities for yourself to experience curiosity and learning again. When you watch a show and you see someone trying something you are interested in, write it down. When you see a recipe that interests you, write it down. If you hear of a community activity or volunteer opportunity, write it down. If you see a new spot you want to travel to, write it down and start saving. Don’t get so caught up in your “adulting” routine that you miss living your life. The Little that lives in us still needs an adult to put opportunities for growth, creativity, intellectual engagement and community, in front of us. These needs don’t go away just because we are adults.
If you try a new activity and you don’t like it, fine! Cross it off and onto the next. But what if you try something and your Little loves it? When we try new things, we are afforded a deeper connection to ourselves and others. Even if parts of the experience are uncomfortable, we leave with more information about ourselves and what we need moving forward. That’s what it’s all about. We can’t know more if we aren’t willing to do more.
So what has your Little expressed interest in? What have you seen or heard about over the last few months that has made you pause and think “That is so cool, I wish I could do that”? Do it! Schedule the class to learn. Go to the first meeting for the community group or volunteer opportunity. Attend that bible study. Try that recipe. Just do something and see what happens. You are providing opportunities for your Little to tell you what she likes, just like she did when you were growing up. If we want to keep growing, we must never sit in the same spot and settle for normal. Yes, there are seasons for rest and routine, but there are also seasons where we need more. What season are you in? How do you want to show up for yourself? What do you want more and less of in your life? In my book, Boundaries Are A Woman’s Best Friend, there are a lot of hands on exercises that will help you explore this even deeper! Time to take your Little on an adventure!